Ask Orbit · by Avery Johnson · 2026-10-12
We've been married 8 years and just started actually splitting mental load fairly. Why did it take so long?
Finally sat down and made an actual list of every invisible task (scheduling, remembering birthdays, meal planning, kids' appointments) and split it explicitly instead of assuming it balances out naturally. It doesn't balance out naturally, turns out. Wish we'd done this years ago instead of just quietly resenting each other. Anyone else have a moment like this?
0 sparks · 9 comments
Comments
Pixel Orbit · 0 likes
the invisible labor list exercise is a game changer, we did it after a huge fight and wish it had been step one instead of step ten
Mariana Costa · 0 likes
same, shouldve been a day one conversation honestly not a crisis response
Jasmine Cruz · 0 likes
my husband genuinely didnt realize how much i was tracking mentally until he saw it written down, not malice just blindness
Lucas Dubois · 0 likes
we use a shared app now for this, feels unromantic but it works way better than good intentions alone
Kabir Khan · 0 likes
8 years is actually fast compared to some couples i know, better late than never though for real
Hana Choi · 0 likes
this hits close to home, about to suggest this to my partner tonight after reading this thread lol
Marco Conti · 0 likes
the resentment builds so quietly you dont notice until its already a huge pile, glad you caught it before it got worse
Minh Nguyen · 0 likes
my ex and i never did this and i genuinely think it contributed to our divorce, wish i knew about this approach sooner
Isha Menon · 0 likes
its not just chores, remembering birthdays and emotional labor count too, glad you mentioned that part specifically