My partner genuinely doesn't understand why I code until 2am and it's becoming a real argument

Sleepy Runner · 1 likes

set a hard cutoff time and stick to it like its a work meeting, 'flow state' is real but so is your partner's need for consistency, both things can be true

Cedar River · 0 likes

been on the other side of this (the partner), what actually helped us was scheduling specific 'coding nights' 2x a week instead of it being unpredictable every night. the unpredictability was the real issue not the hobby itself

Elsa Andersson · 1 likes

this is such a good reframe, predictable > frequent, makes total sense why that would land better

Valeria López · 0 likes

flow state is real but its also just dopamine, i had to be honest with myself that half the time i wasnt even being that productive at 1am i was just avoiding the discomfort of stopping

Solar Sparrow · 0 likes

my wife started doing her own hobby during my coding nights instead of waiting around resentfully, genuinely fixed the dynamic for us, she's not sacrificing time she's also using it

Grace Parker · 0 likes

physical alarm clock in another room, phone/laptop charges outside the bedroom. brutal but effective for me

Rafael Almeida · 0 likes

its not really about the hours honestly its about feeling chosen, try explicitly protecting SOME nights fully screen free and see if the resentment eases even if total coding hours dont drop much

Cozy Rider · 0 likes

divorced partly over this dynamic years ago (not solely this but it was a real contributor), wish i'd taken the warning signs more seriously earlier instead of dismissing it as them 'not understanding programmers'

Lucas Silva · 0 likes

appreciate you sharing that honestly, its a good reminder this isnt just a quirky nerd problem, it can genuinely erode a relationship if ignored

Lucas Dubois · 0 likes

side project burnout is real too, ask yourself honestly if you're still enjoying it or just compulsively finishing it at this point